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November 28 What a week...What a week...
Work is getting so busy that i have no time to scratch myself (insert an 'ewwwww' here)
My job is slowly changing, my responsibilites are growing and soon i'll be pretty much in-charge of the parts coming and going for a very busy dealership... not to bad for someone who was looking forward to not having a stressfull or responsible job hahaha
Not that i am to worry, looking forward to it really...
Got a small confession to make tho... I crashed the work ute into a bus! Wasn't really my fault, but it did prove that if you want the lane bad enough even a bus can be moved out of the way hahaha
Anyways, take care people
Nathan
November 23 Passing time...Sitting here at work with a few minutes to spare...
Things here at work have been going well, i have progressed on to be the Head Storeman here at Euromarque, i've even got staff to supervise...
It's been getting so busy... been raining and everyone is trying to get thier car services before christmass...
Other than working hard all i've been doing is going to the gym, so far i am up to 62.5kg... not to bad...
Take good care, Nathan November 18 Strange... *stroking one's beard*Once and for all, let's say what needs to be said...
Life is about choices, we all have tough choises to make at times, sometimes tough or harsh choices are made for us...
As i sit here tonight i have a couple of choices to make...
After everything that has happened over the last three or so years and especially after what's happened over the last week i think it is time to make those decisions...
I feel that i could either try and forget everything that has happened,, accept the way things are and simply let it be, or i could follow my curiosity, follow my desire to simply know what the hell is going on and why...
I am naturaly curious, i can't help it. i am also the kind of person who has to push the limits, who has to try the impossible, who has to fight, who has to argue simply because of the need to know, the need to push, the need to be right, the want of the challenge and the thrill of the chase, the need to leave nothing unexplored.
In the situation that i am in today i thought i would've been able to avoid, i invested so much, risked, put so much on the line for a friendsship that i hoped would bring some peace to my life after so long in turnoil, more than that i thought this friendship would lead to a way forward for the both of us without the need to fight, a way for us both to put away the knives and simply get on with getting on.
What offends me so deeply about what happened is that i feel that, it was betrayed for no reason, that so much energy that could've been better used for anything else really went into trying not only to destroy it but to simply hurt me and the people i care about. I have come to accept that i may never know the truth behind it all, but it still doesn't stop me wanting to know why...
I can leave the hurt and anger behind, but i have to know why...
I'm so over fighting that i'm just going to take it on the chin and just move on, that's one choice already made, maybe one day years from now i will look back on the last couple of years and shake my head and ask myself what the hell i was thinking, what the hell it was all for, was it worth it in the end...
I think i am going to chose to be a better person, accept some of the consequences for some of the things i've done over time and let the ill feeling go... i doubt i'll be able to stop trying to find the reasons why, even if i never find them i still have to try... there is so much i have to learn from what has happened over the last couple of years, most of all i have to learn to forgive, to forge some good out of what has been an ugly mess for far too long, i mean that about both the situation and myself. I have allowed myself to become so consumed with hurt, hate and the need for revenge and the need for vindication that i became blind to who i am to who i was fighting, even why i was fighting...
I've been here before i know, i pray and i hope and i will do whatever it takes not to be here again... i want it over, pure and simple...
So much wasted time, so much wasted energy, so much wasted love...
To you know who you are... i know if i'd put as much effort into being a better partner and father as i did seeking to make you feel as miserable as i did you'd be here right now reading this over my shoulder with a smile on your face, not there feeling like it's all a million miles away trying to forget our hearts belonged together once...
There is so much going through my world and my head these days, all i am sure of is that i chose tomorrow, that i chose to face it open to whatever it brings...
I don't know if i'll ever make sense of everything that has happened, tho i would like to atleast learn the lssons that were there, and make good for what wrongs i can...
One of them i can do right now, by simply writing this and deleting what should never have been written...
To you know who you are... i hope there comes a time that we'll be able to think of eachother without regret, anger and hurt, that one day it'll simply be alright...
Take good care good people, Nathan November 17 Some thoughts...Some thoughts...
Thought i would share some thoughts... thinking about some of the events over the last week has lead me to realise that i don't need to fight anymore, i have already done everything i have set out to achieve, i have a real chance of gaining custody of my daughter, i have a great relationship with a great woman, i have a great job and really just a great life that i am going to enjoy and share with my little daughter soon... and that will make me smile no matter what the other side throws my way.
You see... last Tuesday and Wednesday the 'ex' and her family decided to throw some considerable effort into trying to break me and my wonderfull partner up, they even went to the effort of finding my partner's mother and calling her directly to make thier obsurd accusation and slanderous remarks. Quite an effort really, if only she'd put that much effort into our relationship to begin with, if only she'd put that much effort into simply being a nice person... if only she and her family had put that much effort into talking this out two years ago...
But in all, i really couldn't be bothered giving her attacks on my relationship the time, so all i want to and will say is, nice try, but if that's the best you've got you're in a whole world of trouble...
Take good care everyone, Nathan
November 12 Off my chest...I want to get a few things off my chest...
Today was my day in court, to say it was rough would be an understatement, however, in the end i got what i wanted. I may not have gotten the great victory i was after, tho, i did get back some of the time i had lost with my daughter. Along with that the whole sorry mess now goes to conflict resolution were our current custody arrangement i hope will be scrapped and one that ultimately gives me back what has been denied me for so long is brought into being.
I want nothing less that three nights a week with my daughter and my rights as her father protected in an agreement that is fair and written with the future in mind.
For a very long time i have been treated like nothing more than a babysitter for my daughter, this will now come to an end once and for all. For far to long i have been denied the right to be a parent and this i will not let continue on any further.
Today has proved that there is more than one way to skin a cat, and finally i have managed to drag the 'ex' kicking and screaming to the table to talk, all it has taken is almost 2 years, some forcefull financial 'encouragement', a lot of needless arguing and in the end very serious legal action to get this far... What a nightmare, one that i am glad is almost over.
I have no doubt that in the end i will be victorious, a happy day it will be indeed...
Take good care everyone, Nathan |
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