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August 21 What price a year...What price a year...
The 14th of June 2008... one moment in time, a moment the whole world changed... That day my head was full of where i wanted to be, the plan taking shape...
It was time to move, time to run, time to leave everything and everyone behind and take a new road to tomorrow... Then, that night...
A familiar voice on the other end of the line...
A fool to go...
Lost in your embrance, a love returned...
From then there was no turning back, there had to be more...
Love... Destiny, unable to be faught... So here i am a year on... What price a year... I see through the you of now to all that you once were... The pain of unhealed wounds... A better man would have kept walking... Given no second thought, admitted his defeat and strode forth for love anew... A fool am i, attempt the impossible, reclaim a love long since burnt... *Sigh* A fool am i, a year on, still i cling to the impossible... A year on, a year to long... Take good care, Nathan August 20 Rant...Time for a rant...
What use fighting? I don't often ask for much, however, when i do it often turns into a fight in one way or another, now to be honest, it is really begining to piss me off no end.
A lot of things have that effect on me these days, i am getting to the point where i might just tell everyone to go to hell and leave me alone, it really isn't worth the hassle anymore.
There is my girlfriend, lovely as she is, she just tends to peave me no end, nothing is ever simple with her, she's passionless and uninspired, there is little fire in her and its killing it for me. Quite frankly, i'm just the sperm donor so she can have more babies and that's just how it is, if it wasn't for her over-riding desire to have more children we'd sleep in seperate beds. What else is there? The only thing she initiates or takes interest in is shopping and movies along with the occasional dinner. I stopped writing her letters and sending her e-mails because she couldn't be bothered to take the five minutes to scribble or type a reply. I can only take so much... Then there is my family, what a bunch of grudge keeping misguided fools, we don't talk to each other because we just couldn't be bothered and everyone is still pissing and moaning over things that happened 20 years ago. GROW THE FUCK UP PEOLE!!! Sorry, but really it had to be said. Maybe i need a break, or at the least something different in my life to take my mind off the BS that is over-running it. Take care, Nathan April 28 To be so cruel...To be so cruel...
I have come to a point where i can nolonger remain selfless...
I have come to the point where i can nolonger allow myself to gesture in good will toward another in a manner that i know will not be reciprocated...
I have come to give only what i know i will get in return...
I have begun to silently make my demands...
I have become...
To me it is a matter of principle, a matter of time, it was only a matter of time before i began to put some of the pieces of my life, of myself back together. With every passing day i get one step closer to getting to where i wish to be, for me it has a confused journey in circles at times, however, i believe i am starting to find a path out of the wilderness. This has only become possible through a slow process of convincing myself that i indeed am important, important even to me. I have along the way began giving some importance to various things in my life and things within me, giving them not only porpose but a sense of worth.
There has been a real conssequence to this, the way i have come treat other people has evolved to a new plane, after a life-time of giving of self for the sake of being selfless, giving to give purpose to the emptiness i felt in return, giving in the hope that it give some meaning, some sense of noble purpose to the darkness and sorrow that so often engulfed my world, life and self. After the life-time i have endured i have begun to refuse, to deny, to keep what i have to give, to value my own happiness, to ensure i give to myself, to give to others only what they're willing to give in turn. I once wrote of this a long time ago now, to me it is now a relief to see that progress made, to see that i have renained on course regargless of the circumstances surrounding my life.
I have begun to see the world, my life and the people in it in a completely new light, i have begun to alter the relationships i have with them, begun laying new foundations for new relationships to built upon, a new foundation stone for all relationships i have to be renewed.
This rebuilding has been a slow process, things have evolved slowly, however, i feel that i have found the path i need to take within my life and within myself to not only achieve my ambitions but also give back to myself the person i was meant to be, not the person i once was.
To me it indeed feels rather calculated and manipulative at times, to be so cold and measured toward the people in my life, to go so far as to deny my time, eneergy and affections to someone as those things couldn't or wouldn't be reciprocated does feel cruel. However, i can not say that i feel any remorse, i have endured trials in my life-time that have taken a heavy toll on my heart, body and soul, it is simply time now to make it all mean something, to make it all for something. To be so cruel, as indeed it may be, is merely the ony way i can be.
So much damage has been done over the years, i know that there is so much that can never be made right again, not only in circumstance but with me as well, there are things that simply always be as they are now as a result of all that has past.
I want to say that i will never trust again, however, there is someone i do trust, a friend who has become a brother, all others in my life however will never attain that level of faith as i have come to live guarded, my heart, my soul are now mine, no-one shall hold them again. I love, love truly, however, i still feel such a deep hurt that no love could ever undo and for as long as that hurt remains no-one shall stand so close as to bring me tears. This has become the truth of me, today, i belong to me...
Be safe, take care,
Nathan November 09 I hear a lot of talking...I hear a lot of talking...
I am at a loss to explain how all these words seam so meaningless, so hollow...
I am at a loss to explain why words fall upon deaf ears...
At a loss to explain why i still bother...
I... even tonight am at a loss to explain what it is i am still doing here...
Seams to me... no matter what i say, the words fall on deaf ears... no matter what i write, the ink shines for blinded eyes... no matter what i feel, my thoughts find no resonance... no matter what i hold to be most important, the principle is lost to those seamingingly without conscience or care...
I only wish to be respected, my thoughts, feelings and wishes to be so also... somethnig even now i am at a loss to explain why they fail to be...
I only wish to be of equal importance in thought, in heart and in kind... something that i know i am also failing to be...
I only wish to have my efforts, good deeds and generosity to be equally returned... equally rewarding...
I only wish to have my affections desired as i desire hers...
I only wish to stand on equal ground... something i know i am being denied...
I only wish to be as important to her as she is undoubtedly to me... something only actions can show... something i am at a loss to explain why i am still waiting...
There are things i can not let go... there are those things that must be... that must transpire before my heart can truly be open... before we can truly move forward from here... how she can remain so stubbornly blinded to this beggars belief...
I can be or do many things... i can not be a lover at her convenience only, especially if i am still left wanting nor can i continue to do the things i do if the effort or sentiment goes unreciprocated...
I do so much... give so much in time, thought and energy... to seamingly receive so little in kind... to seamingly be so little of importance...
Something that can not continue on without end... for there will be an end... sooner rather than later... something i am at a loss to explain why she seams unawares...
Perhaps sometimes it pays to listen...
Take good care good people...
Nathan October 26 When you've reached the line in the sand...When you've reached the lines in the sand...
It has been quite a while since i have felt compelled to write something here, though tonight i need to vent, to speak from my heart and clear my mind...
There is someone whom my heart has felt so drawn to over these past few years, through the laughter and through the hell i have been through in the name of love i have perhaps been blessed with one more chance to make everything right... yet... i can feel the coming storm, the past and the pain, the disquiet of my heart can not go unheard forever, there has to be some healing, some closure... or... an ending...
I want to feel a love unadultered... untainted by reminders of the yesterday i'd much rather forget... i know that can never happen if in my heart there swirls a deep river of painfull memories... i want to feel the warmth of love, to give and share... yet... no love can flow from the still weeping wounds of my heart... without caring hands to heal those scars i fear that there will never be the happiness love promises... when the beauty i behold inspires my deepest affections... yet... haunts so many bad memories... it must be her gentle hands to care, to heal... if this can not be, if she refuse... then she must let my heart go... I have drawn the line, i need to have faith... faith in her... faith in love... That can't happen if i believe that nothing has changed, that we're both still the same people... still doing the same old things... Share a dismal past... yet... differences being, i have admitted my mistakes... i have tried to make good on them, tried to learn from them in the hope of never making them again, in the hope of never causing so much hurt again... Unfortunately that can not be said in the reverse... far from it, it appears that i am confronted by someone who simply refuses to see their wrongs... who refuses to admit to their mistakes or see the pain they've caused... even worse... they've stood pius in their own self-judgement and refused to acknowledge the deep hurt i still feel over their actions and even make a token gesture of reconciliation... and apologise... That's all i want... that's all i feel i need to begin healing... If they can not apologise... show some remorse for their ill actions then what have they done? Nothing but inflict a pain that still feels as real today as it did yesterday... If someone can not admit thier wrongs... admit their mistakes and try and make them right, then what have they done? They've failed to learn... failed to care...
September 05 Nobody rides for free...Something that has been on my mind...
Don't expect me to try and explain it, because i know your not going to be listening...
I don't expect anyone to care, because i know no-one does...
Don't expect me to be there, because i know you wouldn't be there for me...
I don't expect you to be there, because i've become used to being shunned in my times of need... Don't expect me to care, because it has only ever been for nothing...
I don't expect anyone to say they're sorry, because i know some people see only their own wants...
Dont expect me to trust, because i know you see no wrong in the things you do...
I don't expect you to like who i have become, because no-one likes to see the damage they've done...
Don't ecxpect me to open my heart, because i know all you will do is break it...
I don't expect anyone to listen, because they've always got so much more to say...
Don't expect me to see it from your point of view, because i know mine means nothing to you...
I don't expect anyone to be here tomorrow, because no-one was here yesterday...
Don't expect me to believe, because i know you find it so easy to lie... I don't expect you to love, because i know you find it easier to wake up next to someone else...
Don't expect me to be sorry, because no-one has ever tried to heal the scarrs they've left in my heart...
I don't expect the truth, because it's easier for you to forget...
Don't expect yesterday to ever be right with me, because i can't forget the moment my heart died...
I don't expect you to forgive, because i know it gives you reason for the hurt you've caused...
Don't expect tomorrow to be different, because it's all about me today...
I don't expect for you to give, because i know everyone only wants to take...
Don't expect my forgiveness, because you'd have to show remorse before that could ever happen...
I don't expect a brighter tomorrow, because it's so hard to see here in the dark...
Don't expect me to give, because there is nothing left for you to take...
I don't expect you to understand, because it's not about you...
Don't expect my love, because no-one should be left without a chance...
I hope, that one day my name means something more...
Above all, i am me, you can take me as you find me, i can't say i care enough to try anymore, i love as much as i can when i can, i've been hurt so much that at times i'd much rather not have a heart at all. I am me, i give everything i have to get nothing in return, i have had everything imaginable taken away from me by the people who should've care about me the most, still i remain loyal enough to be there when they call, but that was yesterday, tomorrow is a different storey. I am me and i have been keeping score, i've been losing this game of love and life, now the clock has stopped ticking and that's not the ball in my hand, it's a hand-grenade and now it's time to play by my rules for a change...
I am me, if you don't like it, you know where the door is, i don't have time for people who don't understand you have to give to get, so if you're not here to give, you had better get gone...
Nobody rides for free...
August 19 Big Red Jacket...This winter has been rather cold... so i have been wearing my big red jacket, it's one of my favourites...
But... I got my big red jacket as a gift from a place where i used to work, i've long since moved on career wise but since wearing my big red jacket i've come to miss the old days, i've become nostalgic for filler-dust and paint fumes it seams... i think them old panel shop days grew on me more then i let on so now i am sitting here looking for jobs trying to figure out where to go from here... Quite a pickle indeed... So wish me luck everyone... Take good care good people... Nathan July 18 Been a while... (it's getting there)It has been a while... however, everything seams to be going well...
One thing i don't want to do is jinx anything... so i won't say much...
Have bee slowly getting everything where it should be... in the process of moving house and getting a new job... trying to get things headed in the right direction...
Still hoping to study in the new year yet i haven't made up my mind what it is exactly i want to study towards... but i'll get there...
I've had so many reasons to smile of late... certainly a pleasant turn of events...
So on that... Take good care good people... Nathan July 04 Cold weather...I may just be getting old... but this winter seams far colder than most i can remember...
I think it has more to do with being old...
It's been a week or so since i wrote something here last... not much has changed since then...
Just the same things on different days... Sometimes tho it feels like my whole world is changing but everything stays very much the same...
It's something weird and unexplainable... so i won't try... I'm happy, i can smile... that's all that matters... Take good care good people... Nathan June 22 Am i just confused?Why is it the moment you think you know what you're doing and where you're going... something seams to come along and turn everything up-side-down?
I ask myself if anything could change the direction i'm headed?
I tell myself... that my destination hasn't changed... that nothing has changed... that all i've found is a reason to smile while everything falls apart...
I ask myself... why now? Why not a month ago? Why add more bricks to the wall before you finally realise you don't want that wall to be there?
I tell myself... that was al yesterday and it doesn't matter now... i know that it's true...
Just doesn't make it any easier to carry those bricks is all...
I tell myself... that no matter what the plan hasn't changed... it's too late to change it now...
Then i tell myself... it doesn't have to change, it's just so nice to be smiling again...
I just don't know what to think... the past three months have been such a disturbed time i just don't know what to make of the here and now... perhaps i am just confused?
I know i don't want it to stop whatever it is... something is new, something feels so right i can't explain it...
On that... take good care good peple...
Nathan June 12 Strength... standing by one's convictions...I have descovered that there is a new momentum in my life... welling from the strength i've found to stand by my convictions, the strength i've found to make my word count for something... to simply stand up for myself and say enough is enough... the strength i've found to do the right thing... the strength i've found to reach for what seamed only a few weeks ago the impossible...
Tomorrow... will be my last day at my current job... after some years now of doing the same thing i've decided that it's time to try something else...
I'm going to study, hopefully one day become an automotive-engineer, something that i've always wanted to do...
However the most important thing is to find a new job come Monday... something more casual and less full time demanding... hopefully it won't take as long this time as it did last time to get another job... i guess we will see...
Going to finally sort out my life... once and for all...
Right now... the squeeze may still be on... but i know one day i will break free... and that day is soon... that day is what i'm holding onto these days more than most things... For now, i have my amazing little Munchkin, my music, my friends, my tea and coffee... what else do i need really?
Take good care good people... Nathan June 11 As it comes... As i go... (keep on walking)I sat down to write something... but as luck would have it... it the right words just wouldn't come to me... and i promised myself i wouldn't write about her anymore...
But... it's so hard... i have something to say... So... i thought maybe another song... so here it is... As it comes... As i go...
(Keep on Walking Epic) (Wednesday the 11th of June 2008)
Sitting here with a moment to think, Yeah... Today was another one of those days,
Another day i'd like to forget,
But as they say,
Take every day,
As it comes... as i go...
Yeah... just keep on walking,
Sitting here with a spare moment to think,
Another night here alone,
An empty bed,
Yeah... an empty home,
But as they always seam to say,
No you can't,
Can't change yesterday,
Sitting here,
My music for company,
Only myself to care,
Think of all the times we've seen,
Of all the ways things should've been,
Yeah... all those nasty words i didn't mean,
But as they always seam to say,
No you can't,
Can't change yesterday,
Sitting here with a moment to think,
Yeah... Today was another one of those days,
Another day i'd like to forget,
But as they say,
Take every day,
As it comes... as i go...
Yeah... just keep on walking, Sitting here taking a moment to think,
I let myself wonder,
Wonder if you're there,
Yeah... wonder if you care,
I know it doesn't matter much to you anymore,
Yeah... something i'll be sure to remember,
When i come to walk out the door,
Yeah! I'm sitting here writing what i think,
Tell myself,
Stand your ground,
Don't look back,
She crossed that line,
Yeah! She don't care anymore anyhow,
Yeah! Just keep walking,
Yeah! Sitting here telling myself the truth,
No... you don't need to care anymore,
Yeah! She turned her back and walked away,
No... you don't need to be here anymore,
Yeah! Now her heart turned cold,
No... you don't need to love anymore,
Yeah! Now that someone else' clothes litter her bedroom floor!
Yeah! Just keep walking!
Cause no you can't change,
No you can't change yesterday!
Yeah! I'm sitting here with all my reasons,
All my reasons to leave,
My reasons to believe!
Yeah! There's somewhere calling me,
Somewhere there's a love for me,
A love that's just for me!
Yeah! Cause no you can't,
Can't change yesterday,
After all the lies,
Broken promises,
Broken hearts,
And other people's beds,
Not there ain't much left,
No... nothing left to say,
Yeah! Just keep on walking,
Keep on walking,
Let it go,
Let it fade away,
Just keep walking away!
Sitting here with a moment to think,
Yeah... Today was another one of those days,
Another day i'd like to forget,
But as they say,
Take every day,
As it comes... as i go...
Yeah... just keep on walking,
Sitting here in a quiet moment to think,
Something on my mind,
Something i needed to say,
Yeah... wishing there was a better way,
Yeah! But this way doesn't seam to hurt you!
So i guess it's better! Yeah! Better that it stays this way! Yeah! You had so much energy for resisting me,
Yeah! Took so much joy in rejecting me,
Yeah! Fought to only stop loving me,
Yeah! I'd be kidding myself to think,
To think of you ever missing me! Yeah! Just keep on walking! Let her have yesterday, Yeah! It's just the way,
Just what she wanted!
Yeah! Just keep walking! Find yourself, Find yourself someone who'll love,
Find yourself,
Find yourself someone who'll hold,
Yeah... find youself,
Yeah... find yourself someone who'll take the time to care,
Someone who'll always be there,
Yeah! Someone who'll be there for you!
Yeah! Just keep walking! Sitting here with a moment to think, Yeah... Today was another one of those days,
Another day i'd like to forget,
But as they say,
Take every day,
As it comes... as i go...
Yeah... just keep on walking, Yeah! Sitting here with a moment to think,
Today was another one of those days,
Another day i'd like to forget!
Yeah! But as they say,
Take every day,
Yeah! As it comes... as i go...
Take every day,
Yeah! Step by step!
Yeah... just keep on walking! Hope everyone likes my new song...
Take good care good people...
Nathan June 09 The Last Chance Inn... (New Song)I felt a new song coming on...
So here it is, it's called "The Last Chance Inn"
Anyone who knows me knows that i have a penchant for 80's power rock and heavy metal... so you've been warned...
"The Last Chance Inn"
(Monday the 9th of June 2008)
No i never wanted to be here,
Be back here again,
No i never wanted to ever need to,
Be back at the begining,
To have to start all over again,
Too old a man these days,
To be shuffling along,
That same old highway,
That same old highway to nowhere,
Yeah! Buy me a new pair of boots,
And pay the bill for my room,
Here at The Last Chance Inn,
Yeah! Tip my hat to the innkeeper,
Yeah! As i'm headed for the door!
Oh! Say goodbye to,
The Last Chance Inn!
No i never thought i'd have to leave,
Time is all,
And now it's time,
No i never thought i'd ever find a reason to go,
But i got no reason to stay,
Too much a younger man these days,
To be stuck here,
To be stuck here standing still,
Yeah! These old man's bones,
Ache for the highway,
Oh! This younger man's heart,
It ache for that highway too,
Yeah! That highway headed home!
Yeah! Buy me a new pair of boots,
And pay the bill for my room,
Here at The Last Chance Inn,
Yeah! Tip my hat to the innkeeper,
Yeah! As i'm headed for the door!
Oh! Say goodbye to,
The Last Chance Inn!
Too much an old man these days,
To be wasting time,
Wasting time on those same old promises,
Yeah! Too damn old to care just where i'm going!
Too much a younger man these days,
To be wasting love,
Wasting love on a world tht just doesn't care,
Yeah! Too damn young to need to be here!
Yeah! Got me a new pair of boots,
Time to kick up dust with my heals,
Move along,
Make my own way,
Leave nothing but memories,
Whatever they be,
Wherever they lay,
Yeah! I've paid the bill for my room,
Here at The Last Chance Inn,
Yeah! I've done my time in hell,
Now it's just time to leave,
Yeah! Tip my hat to the innkeeper,
Yeah! As i'm headed for the door!
Oh! It's time to say goodbye, Time to say goodbye now,
Yeah! To The Last Chance Inn!
Hope everyone likes my new song...
On that...
Take good care good people...
Nathan
The first steps... (the countdown has begun)The first steps along my new road have now been made... the countdown has finally begun...
That one last bridge has finally been well and truly burnt... from both ends...
Working on getting a new phone number as soon as possible... allready looking for a new place within my price range, i have even begun looking for a new job...
The only way i am headed these days is where i want to be... it's quite a nice feeling...
There is still such a long way to go... but it's still quite something to me to finally start moving in the right direction for a change...
On that...
Take good care good people...
Nathan June 07 When there is nothing left to do...When there is nothing left to do...
For all of the things i've said... for everything that has fallen on deaf ears... for all that has been these past four years... for where i am now... the events of my life are now moving under their own momentum and there is no stopping them now... there is nothing more that i can do... it's now getting to late to try and make sense of everything that has happened... it's now getting far too late to try and make it right...
I can only try to come to terms with the way things are going to be...
I still look forward to a better tomorrow... that doesn't make the day to day any easier to bare... it doesn't make all of my troubles fade away... only makes dealing with them all the more urgent...
I don't expect anyone to understand or truly comprehend what i am going through these days or what is about to happen to my life... i won't even try to explain the rationale behind it... only, that my intention is good... that the place i wish to be is in my mind... that i have some faith that in the end it'll al turn out how i need it too...
All i can say is... that i woke up one morning and realized that no-one is going to get me out of here but me... one morning i woke up and realized that it was about time that i mattered, that i got to have what i want, that it was time that i started making my own way to where i wanted to be...
After many years waking up and disliking the place i was, the person i was... one morning i woke up and looked at myself in the mirror... i said to myself... "i don't like you, you don't like me... if that's the way it's got to be, well that's the way it's got to be... but we are all we've got, so let's just get on with it and get the hell out of here... too old and tired to be living wishing for something that isn't ever going to happen, time we made a stand... held our ground and just kept going..."
That was the begining of the end of everything that is or has become my life today...
It's a bizzar moment one can have... to stare at yourself in the mirror and just have a complete watershed moment, a moment where everything comes to you, where you get that glimpse of what's missing, of what it is you seek...
For me it was once the dream that almost became my reality... but as fate would have it, that dream now lays broken... as life would have it... it's just too far away now...
Now... i dream... of a place where i get to be at peace, where there is no reminder of the wrong things i've done, of the failure i've made of my life... a place where i get to feel... home...
That's all i want... to live my life in peace where i can be home... where i can just simply enjoy the wonders of being a father to the most amazing little girl...
That's all i want and i don't think that it's too much to ask...
Ofcourse i have my aprehensions... all of my other dreams have turned to nighmares with astonishing regularity... i can only hope that this time by not asking for too much i might just be spared doom...
Sometimes... all we can do is make the best of a bad situation, as much as it plays on me now, i know that i have to make the best of this bad situatin before i get to have that place i want in my life... there is still much to be done before it all comes to fuition... these are indeed trying times... but i have been through those before... so i know i can weather this storm and make it through to the other side and get to where i want to be...
I hope...
That's all i can do... that's all i can feel... hope...
On that...
Take good care good people...
Nathan
Quiet Saturday morning reflections...Sitting here thinking... about this and that, life... what it is i am doing these days...
I have come to the train of thought, that the best thing about where i am these days is the road out of the place...
I mean that in the actual and metaphorical sense... it's come to that point where everything is not only changing, it hasn't any choice anymore, it's both a good thing and a bad thing... as it could all go very good or very bad and i don't know which will be which right now...
It's been a long and trying few weeks, there has been a lot going on and allready a lot has allready changed...
Been searching for ways out of this place i am in, trying to find that start of that road out of here... in the actual sense, i know where that road is, it's only a matter of at this time i have no where to get to... in the metaphorical sense... i know where i want to be, just unclear on the road to get there... i know everything will come together in the coming weeks and i'll be able to make a whole new begining, that is something i hang on to when the days seam to drag on by...
Doing my best these days to keep a positive frame of mind... slowly unravelling the web that has been the last few years, trying to pick through it all find some answers to unasked questions...
The thing about the past few years is... that it's a period of time where i'll always see the greatest of happiness and the greatest of heartbreak and lowlyness. It's hard to explian, harder still to explain are my feeling toward the other person, to me anyone else would have gone a long time ago. I never thought i'd ever experience a love so real and powerfull... however, that has now become a double edged sword...
Hearts change, things change, who we are as people change... i think for me, even though everything else has changed in my life, my heart has taken it's promise for forever quite literally... it's soemthing i can't fathom, i have so many reasons to walk away and let time erase those feelings... there have been so many reasons to let this love die... however my heart simply won't be told... in one sense i don't mind, it's always something wonderfull to love... however, on the other hand, when that love can never be returned or it's time has passed and the one you love has come to see you as the past, it makes things much harder than they need to be...
As for the tomorrow i seek, there are so many things i want to do, one of my favourite bands are coming to town in September, i am planning on going and i think it's going to be awesome...
I have decided that i am going to study when i get the chance, i don't know what i am going to study yet... aslong as it stimulates my mind and helps me on my way along the road out of here... i don't much mind what it is...
For the first time in a fairly long time i am looking forward to the future and what tomorrow may bring...
It's a nice feeling...
On that...
Take good care good people...
Nathan
June 05 Got to go to work...Got to go to work...
Our new stock line arrived yesterday... it took a B-Double to deliver it all... that's a lot of stuff in any language... we had to get some more shelves to put it all on... they'll be installed today... so not only will we be busy but we'll have no space to do it in untill the shelving people leave on Friday...
On a different note... i have slowly widdled my coffee intake back down to around three cups a day, i now only drink it at work, the rest of the time i drink tea... not exactly sure why i am drinking less coffee, all i know is that i am now less grumpy and get to sleep earlier... not sure if that has anything to do with the coffee or just an improvement in my level of optimism... who knows really... but it's good to be in a better mood...
Looking forward to the weekend... going to take my daughter Charlotte shopping again, we have so much fun browsing around... i think she'll be an awesome shopper like her mum one day...
Well... as it says at the top, i have to be off to work...
Have a great day, take care good people...
Nathan June 04 It's so quiet...It's so quiet around here early in the morning...
Quite s fog outside... that's going to make the drive into work all the more interesting...
As far as work goes... i'm exploring new avenues for perhaps a new career... i'm not sure what yet, all i know is that it's getting time to change... i've been doing the same thing for a few years now and i don't think that career pasth is where i want to go anymore...
I'd like something more flexible so i can have time to spend more time with my daughter Charlotte... or study, or both...
I'm sure it will come to me soon enough...
I have descovered one thing in my early morning routine... i do get more out of the day... however, i am still rather fond of sleeping in...especially in winter... tis rather cold at half five in the morning...
Take good care good people...
Nathan June 03 On a quiet morning...Out of bed quite early this morning... another day at work ahead...
If it wasn't for all of this rain it'd be a great new day...
I woke up with something new to tell myself...
I deserve a decent life... i deserve to be happy... i deserve to be loved...
And those things aren't going to happen whilst i am stuck here...
So i have to keep trying to move along and find where it is i need to be... Have a great day and take good care good people... Nathan June 02 One day...One day...
I can only hope that one day everything finds itself where it should be... that there is peace, love and happiness wherever this road leads me...
One day... i can only hope that i find what it is i've lost...
I hope that one day i get to find that special something, that special someone who can make the sun shine again...
I can only hope i get to find the arms i belong in...
One day...
If not... then i guess that's just the way it goes...
Take good care good people... Nathan |
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